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By Diane Dyer
When I close my eyes and review my life with my animal companions, I can see my little dog Bitsy
playing in the yard, my cat Silky dressed up in doll clothes allowing my little sister to push her around
in a doll carriage, and my cat Elvis from my preteen years. Fast forward to early adulthood, and there
are the three dachshunds: Schultzy, who liked to sleep with his nose buried in my armpit and chew
underwear; Sarah, who hardly had a chance to grow beyond puppy-hood; and Leroy, a rescue, who
became my children’s touchstone during difficult times (a major move, a divorce). Later on came my
three felines: the beautiful and proud Kitty, dear placid Mary and the amazing orange wonder Tommy.
Their memories bring smiles now.
Eyes open, I see my sleeping cats: the oh-so-narcissistic Rocky and sweet, blue-eyed Sky. I smile.
And yet I know someday they, too, will move out of my life.
We who choose to live with other sentient beings are, I think, among the blessed. We get to
experience a deep connection with another species (to the extent we are open to it) and, in doing so,
expand our capacity to give and receive love.
With the death of a cherished pet, some of us find ourselves flooded with a grief that overwhelms us
with its intensity. The following are a few insights and suggestions to assist you during this time.
Allow. Honor yourself and your beloved friend by allowing the expression of feelings. Give yourself
permission to fully grieve, even if it feels scary. It may mean some restless nights, exhaustion, and/or
taking some time off your regular routine to just be. As much as is possible, give yourself this time.
Ask. Reach out to trusted family and friends and let yourself be supported. If for any reason this is not
possible, there are resources available in the form of books, counselors and pet bereavement sites on
the Internet. This applies also if your pet is still living but going through a terminal illness. It is crucial
to be supported at this confusing and painful time that can bring up doubts about what is the right
thing to do, and asks so much of you as a caregiver holding the high watch over your pet.
Action. Find a way to express your feelings. Write a letter to your animal companion; make a painting
or photo collage; or arrange a memorial service or ritual to honor your pet. It could be a simple
gathering of others who knew and loved your pet, with stories and remembrances to celebrate its life.
Above all, remember it is okay to grieve. A pet’s death is significant. This is a being you have had
daily contact with, whose essence is clearly imprinted on every aspect of your home and heart. This is
a being that has loved and known you. A family member.
And for those with children, the passing of a pet can often be their first experience with death. This
gives a wonderful opportunity for parents to assist a child through the grieving process. Unresolved
grief from childhood can often have a negative effect on personal growth and development later in
life. There are many resources on the Internet and through books to assist you in understanding how
children perceive death at different ages.
As I write this, Rocky sits patiently watching the robins . . .
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